Tuesday, May 19, 2015

A changed view

It has been a while since I posted to this blog, it was a stressful late winter and early spring. First I quit my job, it was stressful and I didn't even realize how much until I left that job.  I stayed home for a month, applied for couple jobs, took care of  Mom and myself.  It was also the worst part of the winter, so I am thankful I was home.

Mom's dementia has progressed, she cannot do anything she used to do.  She can no longer remember how to knit or make the OSU ornaments she used to make, this was the last thing to go.  At this point, her mind is her worst enemy and she knows it.  She has said to me that she feels like a useless idiot,   she is stupid, and as always that she is ugly.  I sat down with her recently and had a conversation, telling her that I know her mind is not working the way it used to work and it must be really frustrating and maddening for her and that I cannot even imagine what she is feeling, but that I did know that I loved her just as she is, that had not changed and I am here to help her as much as she will let me.  It was an emotional moment for us both, admitting we are in a different phase of this disease and acknowledging and accepting that change.

With that change came realization that I can no longer take care of Mom by myself.  I need help.   Now where do I get that help?  I spent one day calling all of the agencies and departments that offer help for the elderly.  It is quite a maze to get through!  Initially, I had to find where to start, because you can't just pick one and call, because they will tell you to call someone else.  So after I found the starting point, then I had to go through the agencies, calling each one until I found the one that could and would actually help me and Mom.  After the paper work was completed, they gave me the names of 8 people that provide care in your home. I then spent another day writing up a job description, suggested by the agency and a very good idea. That way I knew what I was looking for and what to expect. I interviewed caregivers and I  made a selection.  I feel I selected the best candidate to care for Mom when I am not home and when I am home.  It is not an easy decision to pick a stranger to care for a loved one, but it has been made.  Now I will see Mom from someone else's view also.


  1. You deserve love for the good you do as a daughter and human being!

  2. Thanks for the prod in facebook to go to your blog. Nan, a phrase that jumps out at me is "finding the starting point.' You didn't use exactly that phrase but that was so true about stuff we struggle with all the time. We don't make improvements because we don't even know how or where to start. So thank you for the life illustration and making sure that you trained your focus on finding the starting point.

    I know you both and can picture the scene of just naming what is most true in this moment of time: the advanced stage of Edna's disease, your being helpless in the face of that, both of your need to do some things differently or have some kind of shift in the status quo, and then of course the love the is a deep current running alongside of it all. I love you both. Thanks for your words that tell some of your story. They mean a lot.