God is working on me, chiseling away at my ego & pride, showing me that I need to forgive myself for past choices & behavior and let go of ego & pride. Well, easier said then done, but I'm working on it. And identifying the issues helps me deal with them.
This ego & pride thing comes to play in caring for my mother. I get so frustrated with her when she doesn't know things I think she should or doesn't remember something I want her to remember. Lately though I have noticed this voice saying, "Take a breath, she isn't doing this to make you miserable, it isn't about YOU!" I don't always listen, but at least I am now hearing the voice. Here's an example, Mom was looking in the refrigerator for a bottle of soda and I was telling her where in the refrigerator it was located and she still couldn't find it, I walked in to the kitchen ready to explode and instead I took a breath and reached in the frige and handed her the bottle without yelling. No ones feelings were hurt and I didn't feel bad afterwards. Amazing what taking a breath can do. Keep working on me, I am not finished yet!
I have to help mom get dressed, put her make-up on & do her hair. It was not easy for either of us to admit it needed to happen and we both went kicking & screaming down this road. She didn't want to admit she needed my help & neither did I. But, we both admitted it and for the most part we are doing ok in this area. It's not perfect and we have our moments when it feels like I am the mother and she is the 5yr old fighting to wear something else, but we deal with it on a daily basis. We are going into winter now and she still wants to wear sandals, white sandals. This coming from the woman that taught me no white after Labor Day! But is it really that big a deal? No it is not, so she wears white sandals with black pants.....
I am rethinking my jewelry business, not giving up, but feel like I need to go in a different direction. I'm trying to figure out what that direction is, but winter is the perfect time for research and development. Having my own business is not easy, if I don't work, nothing gets done! I know that isn't that profound, but I love designing & creating and do not like working on the administrative side. But I am learning to get it done anyway.
Merry Christmas! Don't forget the Reason for the Season. My wish for you is time. Time to spend with your family, time to rest, relax, and reflect on all the blessings in your life.