Lately, I have been looking inside, I have been looking for motivation, looking for drive. For some reason, I can't find that motivation that puts me over the top. I don't think I need to do something great, I just want to do something. Something that makes me say, " Oh, now I know". I have had "aha" moments, finally realizing I did not have all the answers & needed to do something different. You know, let go and let God?! I just have this feeling that another one of those moments is coming.
I am doing what's in front of me; taking care of mom and living alcohol & drug free. I am a Christian and know that I am meant to spread His word through the turn around in my life.
In my head, I hear " Oh my God, are you in that place again? Looking for more?" And yes I am, even knowing that more is what I was addicted to for many, many years. When life gets tough the tough get going? I just want to pull the covers up & stay in bed! It seems like I want more handed to me and that isn't a surprise to some. But, I do work and I try hard. I'm just at a point where there is a fork in the road and I don't know which way to go. I can't even tell what it means if I go right or left. I guess that is where faith comes in, trusting that God has my back. After making bad choices for so long you would think I would be ok with not choosing, giving up free will. But I still want to run my life and He has to tap me on the shoulder to remind me all the time.
So maybe I need to stop & enjoy where God has brought me thus far and not worry about where I go from here. I choose that, I will just enjoy where I am and quit worrying about where I go from here.