Saturday, January 16, 2016

Foggy View

Lately, my view has been fogged by the actions of my mother.  I can’t tell if she is really not feeling well or just acting like she doesn’t feel well. She feels nauseated one day, can’t have a bowel movement the next, then has a sore throat, is ok for a few days and then has a pain in her breast; then we start all over again. Her doctor cannot find a cause for any of these symptoms. So her doctor thinks it might be another UTI or dehydration, but we’ve been waiting 5 days for blood and urine results.  The other school of thought is she is trying to find a way to not move to North Carolina.  I know it seems sad or maybe mean that I would say these things about my mother, but you have to remember she has dementia and most of the time her mind is about 2-5 years old and even before the dementia, she would do anything to get what she wanted.  I deal with this daily so I am used to it, others think it’s cute. It is no longer cute when you are dealing with it on a daily basis, it’s frustrating.  I do my best to be patient, kind, compassionate and understanding. I call it P.U.C.K. and I pray for it every day.  My help is the caregivers that are here 3 days of the week for 5 hours while I am at work. The lady that takes care of mom is amazing,she is so kind and gentle with mom, she puts up with a lot, I know.  The friend, that was helping me, and I had a falling out, so now I have no other help.  This means no breaks, no movies, no lunches or dinners with friends, no meetings (except 1 that 2 friends bring to my house), no me time unless I go in my room and shut the door ( which makes me feel like a child and I am many years past that). Also, mom does not qualify for any of the care programs from the state, city, county or federal government, I’ve been that route.  I’m not putting this out there so people will feel sorry for me, I’m putting it out there because I know I’m not alone. I know there are other caregivers out there like me, frustrated, alone, angry, depressed and lonely.  That doesn’t mean I don’t have good days, because I do.  Just appreciate those you know that are the caregivers, maybe they can be a bit grouchy sometimes, or weepy, or whiny -try to give them a break, our view is foggy some days.