I have had a rough week, dealing with my past & present. Mom is doing great physically, not so much mentally. But she has leveled off as far as dementia goes and that is amazing. Now that doesn't mean life is all rainbows and roses, it is just not getting worse.
My past coming up to bite me is related to some financial woes but I will not discuss that here. Let's just say it takes a while to clean up. I am blessed and need to be reminded of that on a regular basis because I have a quick forgetter. I can get so wrapped up in ME!! It is crazy how easily I can go back to old behaviors, mostly ego and pride, but wanting to be in control is my biggest and most offensive. When I start acting like all that matters is how this situation or moment effects me, Look out New Jersey!
On a lighter note, my mom had a moment this evening where I had to remind her that I was her daughter. I know that is not funny, and believe me I'm not laughing, but it is the oddest thing to look at your parent and realize they are talking to you about you like you are not who you are. Follow that? I looked at her and said,"I am Nan" and she laughed. Then she said, "Oh yea". I don't really think she didn't know who I was, just forgot who she was talking to, but it's scary. Is that going to happen one day, that she suddenly doesn't know who I am?
It's bad enough, she has completely different likes and dislikes, now I have to worry about her knowing who I am??? Sometimes I don't think I am strong enough for all of this and then I remember I am not alone. I have a Higher Power that is awesome! And I have a great support system. So, last week when I thought the world was coming to an end because of those financial woes I mentioned, I did the next right thing and went to an AA meeting. And the next day, I went to another meeting. I know some people will not understand, but having a support group to listen and understand and remind you that life could be a lot worse, that my friend is priceless.
My business is moving along, I would like to spend more time on it, but that day will come. I will be at a bizarre Novemer 1st at Clintonville Women's Club Bazaar and November 16 at Handmade Holiday Showcase.
If you understand any of this, then I hope it helps you realize you are not alone. See you soon...